if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
