fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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