Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
