Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
