he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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