I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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