Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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