ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
