Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize