i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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