I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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