READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize