Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
