life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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