I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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