idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
