just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
