i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
