I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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