So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
