i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
