Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
