We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize