Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
