Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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