Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
