yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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