Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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