I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
