How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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