my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
