whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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