Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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