wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just want nice things and good sex
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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