My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
