would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
