u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
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