so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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