i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
