i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
