I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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