I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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