All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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