I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
