When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize