hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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