i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
