sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sarcasm needs its own font
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
