chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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