They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
