why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
