Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
