Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
