Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
