there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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