No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
