Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry about my life...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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