Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
