I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
