hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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