community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
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