tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
