I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize