And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
