We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
