so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
