Someone shit on the floor
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
