I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think i have two assholes
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
