your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
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