I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize