I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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