you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
