I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
