Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
