high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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