How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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