hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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