final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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