I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if i can run in heels then i can drive
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
where are my eyebrows?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
