i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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