This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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