I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
